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restlessmaknae · 4 years ago

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liar, liar, watch out liar

Princess Gowon from Baekje is forced to marry Prince Changmin from Goguryeo as a part of a peaceful agreement between the two kingdoms. Too bad it’s only a seemingly peaceful one, and too bad she almost gets killed for believing in her father’s good intentions.

♦ Characters: prince!Changmin x princess!OC

♦ Genre: historical, angst, fluff, romance

♦ Words: 10.5k

♦ Warning: mentions of blood, war, death, emotional manipulation

♦ A/N: This story is a part of the ‘all is fair in love and war’ collab. Check out the rest of the stories here! Click here to be added to the TAGLIST and to let me know about your fic preferences.

A princess should be delicate like the dandelions growing in the garden of the royal palace.

A princess should be obedient like the most loyal tamed horse for a horseman.

A princess should be resilient like the trees that bear the weight of the heavy snow that falls when winter strikes Baekje.

A princess should be kind as if she was meeting her friends when she was meeting with princesses from the other kingdoms who were nowhere near her friends.

And the most important of all: a princess should always listen to the king and queen because they know what’s best for her, they know what she needs to do in order to be of help to their own kingdom.

Princess Gowon knew all these rules, she knew them as if they had been lullabies whispered into her ears each and every night. That’s exactly why she didn’t protest when she was given no chance but to be the future wife of Goguryeo’s oldest prince as a part of a deal that her father and prince Changmin’s father sealed.

Due to the tension in the four kingdoms - with Baekje and Gaya currently at war -, the two kings had decided to reach an agreement regarding the future of Baekje and Goguryeo. They had decided on a peaceful deal, and what was a better way to keep their words than to get their children to marry each other, so that they would become one family, and family was considered sacred in their society?

Given that the royal family in Goguryeo consisted of only boys - with Changmin as the oldest prince and Sunwoo and Youngjae as the twins -, and it was only princess Gowon and her older brother - Juyeon - in Baekje’s royal family, she had seemed like the only option to give away as the safeguard of the deal.

What she didn’t think was that this agreement would bring even more conflict, tension, blood and tears into the lives of the four kingdoms.

Princess Gowon wasn’t more nervous to step foot into the Anhak Palace than she had been when she had previously visited other kingdoms. After all, she had been here before a few times, and meeting prince Changmin didn’t really make her feel a different way. If anything, she felt completely neutral towards him.

She wasn’t here to enjoy herself, she knew that very well. As a princess, it had been evident for her from a very young age that she would be marrying someone for the sake of Baekje, someone whom she wouldn’t have married otherwise. As long as it was beneficial for her kingdom, she could keep her chin up high and do what she was supposed to do. While the men were trained to fight and protect Baekje, she was there to engage in social events, harmonise the relationships between the royal families, and to possibly bring something more useful to the people - including a marriage.

With Baekje and Gaya currently and war - that had started a long time ago and was still going on in more or less intense waves -, it was only natural that his father would be looking out for a way to secure the kingdom’s safety with another one of its neighbours. With Silla, Baekje had always been at peace, so it was crucial to secure the kingdom’s future with Goguryeo, too.

So with her parents and her brother by her side, she politely bowed to the members of the Goguryeo royal family one by one. They were wearing their delicate, formal clothing as usual. The king wore its crown cap that was made of white silk exceptionally elegantly, his royal scarf decorated with gold and silver ornaments, finely sewed and detailed. The bright colour of his plum-purple robe and midnight-blue skirt indicated his status while the queen was wearing a vivid burgundy dress with floral patterns and a tangerine-coloured skirt. The princes’ clothing were similar to the king’s, except that their robe was in a less eye-catching colour and it was longer, so it covered their bodies until knee-length, making up for the lack of skirts underneath.

When princess Gowon arrived before prince Changmin and he caught her eyes, he gave her a full bow, politeness radiating off of him. The last time they had seen each other was a few years ago, so his more defined features, the sharpness of his jawline and the width of his shoulders took her by slight surprise. She wondered whether he was as equally taken aback by her womanly appearance as she was regarding his manly look.

“Princess Gowon…” The prince breathed after he had straightened his back, gifting her with a gentle smile. His warm, chestnut-brown eyes became little crescents as his lips were raised into a smile, and under different circumstances, it might have made her smile genuinely at him. Instead, it came out as a forced one on her part.

“Prince Changmin…” She reciprocated his gesture, keeping the eye-contact as she was supposed to.

“It is lovely to have you here,” he remarked after a few seconds of silence while they were waiting for her brother to stop exchanging words with the queen of Goguryeo who was cooing over prince Juyeon’s gorgeous features. If princess Gowon had been all alone and no one would have seen her reaction, she would have most probably made some faces, but she had learned how to suppress her emotions for a good while now.

“Likewise,” she added politely despite all the words she would have liked to say instead of this one. However, she restrained herself from acting out of character because that would only backfire. Not to mention that the prince seemed too genuinely happy - or he was merely too good at masking his feelings - for her to say anything snarky.

Thankfully, they could move on from the very much forced round of introductions, and move onto the celebratory meal that was held to commemorate the start of a prosperous relationship between the two families, hence the two kingdoms. Their marriage had already been settled, her belongings had also been brought with her that day, so that she could move into the Anhak Palace right away, only the wedding awaited to be organized formally, so this meal was also like the one royal families would hold for marriage proposals.

Since the twin princes were very interested in prince Juyeon’s stories about the adventures he had had in the forests, princess Gowon was left to engage in a conversation with the two royal parents and prince Changmin himself. She could note that her soon-to-be-husband was very much mature for his age, and he cared about the future of Goguryeo deeply, but at the same time, he had a certain amount of pure innocence and childishness to him which she didn’t know how to process. It didn’t seem like harmful behaviour though, but she had been taught not to appear anything but strong and determined and mature, so others would take her seriously. Hadn’t he been taught the same? He wasn’t a child anymore.

She kept wondering whether what she could see was the real him or the image he had been oh so precisely building up in the last few years based on the expectations and the pressure of being the oldest prince in his family. Royal children had been given multiple principles to live by from a very young age, and usually, the freedom of speech hadn’t been guaranteed. They had certain power as royals, but never enough to be able to speak their minds, and that could suck the joyfulness and innocence out of their lives.

No matter how dragged the whole thing seemed, when it was time for the royal family of Baekje to head back to their own kingdom and leave princess Gowon behind, prince Juyeon turned to his little sister while the parents were talking between themselves and said:

“I’m sorry you have to go through this,” he mentioned quietly, so that only him and prince Gowon could hear. She smiled a bitter smile, and briefly put a hand over his shoulder before retreating back.

“It’s not your fault,” she reminded him gently, not going on about how it was unfair that women had always been put into much more difficult situations than men just because they were born this way. Though she didn’t know what Juyeon would need to bear if he was to be the king of Baekje one day. They were both doomed from the start, and they couldn’t escape their fate either. Yet, their lives were still more precious than their freedom.

Prince Juyeon let out a long sigh, scratching the back of his neck as if he had been trying to come up with a plan. In the end, he let his arms fall back beside his body, lifelessly and uncontrollably.

“I wish I could make this better, but you know father…” He whispered, glancing in the direction of their father once to make sure that he hadn’t heard what he had said. Thankfully, it seemed like he didn’t pay attention to the two of them.

“I know, and as long as our marriage actually brings peace to the kingdoms, I’m fine with this,” princess Gowon reassured him, but swallowed back the continuation of her confession: as much as I can. There was a very fine line between what she was willing to take on and what would make her crumble, and she knew that she was far from breaking down, but at the same time, even more of her freedom had just been taken away from her despite the fact that she didn’t care about whom she actually married.

“I hope prince Changmin will treat you right. If not, let me know,” prince Juyeon asked her seriously, and his care and affection made her smile genuinely. As if letters could be taken from one kingdom to another at such short notice… Nevertheless, his words warmed her heart.

“I will, Juyeon. Don’t worry!” She reassured him, and those words were her last words to her brother before her father took his place, and instead of similar wishes, he leaned closer to the girl and lips sealed, eyes darting daggers, he looked straight into her orbs, his strict fatherly side showing. Then, he opened his mouth and simply said:

“No matter what happens, just stay put!” The king commanded firmly, and the princess bowed to him in response, promising him that she would not cause any trouble. Even though she had never shown any sign of disobedience, she wouldn’t do so this time either.

What she didn’t know was that his father’s words would mean something completely different than she would have thought so.

Princess Gowon had to realize that she hadn’t lived elsewhere but the Sabigung Palace in Baekje, therefore coming to the Anhak Palace to live there from now on was extremely odd. She had known the ins and outs of Sabigung Palace, all the places she had been hiding back in the days when she had been playing around in the garden with his brother, all the trees by which she had been daydreaming about being a mere, ordinary girl, all the hidden chambers and all the stories behind the slight flaws in the walls and furniture.

Here, she didn’t know anything. Everything felt distant and unfamiliar, and she felt a pang in her chest when she realized that she wasn’t only in a completely new place, but she was here all alone. Everyone she had known before was gone with her marriage-less days, and now she had a new room, a new servant and a new routine.

No wonder she didn’t feel immediately comfortable beside the royal family in the palace, and the first dinner with her and the royal couple and the three princes was anything but smooth. She could literally feel the barrier between her and everyone else in the room, and it didn’t help either that she could feel the difference between their upbringing judged by the way the twins acted despite the fact that they were only two years younger than prince Changmin. Yet, prince Sunwoo and prince Youngjae were the epitome of restlessness, making jokes and flippantly telling stories by the table to which she merely nodded and hummed politely, not knowing what to do with herself.

That night, she was kindly shown to her room, her servant packed out her clothes and arranged them according to her wishes, and she was helped to a hot bath which she thoroughly enjoyed. She felt a bit less foggy-minded after cleaning herself, but she was still thinking too much to be able to get a goodnight’s sleep.

The next day wasn’t better either, though it definitely helped a bit that it was just her and prince Changmin in the dining hall this time with the royal couple already having finished breakfast and the twins still not woken up by the time she had made her way to the table full of food.

“Were you able to sleep well? Is your bed comfortable enough?” Prince Changmin inquired first things first, his chestnut-brown eyes shining fondly. She felt a knot in her throat for lying, but she had to nevertheless.

“Yes, I was able to do so. Everything was just fine.” She bobbed her head a bit, her eyes scanning the number of options on the table instead of looking into his eyes. Even though she was usually an immaculate liar, she feared that the prince might be able to look through her. She didn’t want that to happen, at least not so early.

“I am glad to hear that,” he noted joyfully, his words laced with reassurance. He helped himself to some water afterwards, but it was him who broke the silence yet again. “Would you like me to show you around the palace and the gardens today? I would like you to feel more at home, so I assume it might be of help to you.”

The chopsticks froze in princess Gowon’s hands for a moment, his question taking her by surprise. Not only because it was a very attentive inquiry of his as he might have realized that she didn’t know how to get around, but also because it seemed like based on his words that no one had forced him to ask such a question, it was him who felt the need to do so.

When she finally looked him in the eye, his lips curled upwards, his chestnut-brown orbs disappearing a bit. It was rather adorable how such a delicate prince had these features with those deep dimples, yet he also had exceptionally manly features to himself, so she was still in awe by the duality of his appearance. It was also the first time in her life that she could examine a male’s features longer apart from her own relatives, and the thought itself made her stomach take a turn.

“I…” The princess started hesitantly, searching for the right words to say. The prince still looked at her patiently, very much anticipating her answer. “I wish to rest a bit more after yesterday,” she added firmly, and it was almost disheartening how much trust he put into her, and how much he actually believed her lie.

“Take as much time as you need to rest, princess. I would be glad to show you around anytime,” prince Changmin offered with yet another smile before turning back to the rest of his breakfast.

She felt oddly guilty for rejecting his very much kind offer, and she didn’t feel good about it for the rest of the day, so she spent almost all the day in her new room, pondering over her own feelings, the consequences of her actions, and what she might need to get used to this new situation if she wanted to be respected, and if she wanted to avoid being as uncomfortable around the royal family as possible.

Oddly enough, she found herself wanting to trust prince Changmin as well, and also, she felt bad for telling him a fib, so the next day when he wasn’t there in the dining hall, she asked her servant if she could notify him that she would like to speak to him, and when they met in the corridor, she let him know that she had rested enough, so he could show her around if he had the time for it. She knew that the princes had physical training on a daily basis, so she didn’t know if he would have time for it, but it turned out that he had been to his training lesson first thing in the morning, so he was free for the rest of the day.

It was a lovely spring day, rays of sunshine illuminating the corridors in many shades of yellow and orange, painting a whole colour palette as the rays were sneaking through the windows. The air was fresh, full of the sweet fragrances of the blooming trees and the delicious scents coming from the kitchen. Prince Changmin didn't even hesitate to lead her into the kitchen as well, introducing her to the ones who were working there before showing her where they kept their food in case she felt like grabbing some fruit in the middle of the night - which he mentioned was a favourite pastime of his little brothers. Hearing that, her lips inwardly curled upwards because she could see from the way the boy was talking about the twins just how much he loved them. That realization made her think of her own brother, and his lack of presence saddened her. She already missed him as she had been seeing him almost every day for two decades, and now she saw nothing of him.

She was shown all the different chambers, halls and rooms, the prince letting her know about whom they belonged to, whom she needed to ask if she wanted to open up some less used ones, and she was also introduced to a lot of different servants and other noble men and women around. She felt a bit dizzy by the end, so she was thankful that they headed outside, breathing in the crispy, fresh air and watching as the trees were heavy with blooming flowers in multiple colours of the rainbow, some of them hovering above the big pond outside the palace’s main building.

Princess Gowon stood there for a solid minute, taking in the scenery that was just so different from the mountain-filled view of their palace in Baekje. Her awe must have been obvious as prince Changmin inquired:

“Do you love nature?”

“I do love it, but I have been to forests and the mountain side mostly. We do not have a pond, but it is mesmerizing,” she explained matter-of-factly, letting the soft, spring breeze take her words far away, keeping them a secret away from everyone else, except the two of them.

“We have a river that crosses the palace, this pond is a proof of it, but we have the majority of the riverside a bit further from here. We can extend our walk there if you would like to,” he suggested, suddenly excited. She couldn’t tell whether he was so high on spirits because she had spoken up more than she usually did so, or it was because he loved his home dearly, and he was glad to show her around even more.

“I would not mind,” she admitted genuinely, and now that she didn’t lie, she felt a lot better. Prince Changmin seemed so genuinely caring and attentive, she would feel like a fraud if she kept lying to him, and plus, what’s the worst that could happen? After all, if they were forced to marry each other, they would need to tolerate each other even if they didn’t like how the other was behaving. So what was she afraid of? Building trust with someone whom she didn’t know, that was one fear for sure.

As they started walking around the pond, the prince didn’t seem to mind the silence that fell upon them, but it seemed like he wouldn’t mind talking either as he asked a few moments later:

“Do you miss your palace?”

Princess Gowon knew that it would have been the easier way to go with a lie, but really, what would be the use of it? Should she lie, so that he wouldn’t feel bad that it was her who had to move palaces instead of him? He might feel bad anyways. It’s not like he could change anything though. This was their fate, and no matter how odd it was, this way how they were to live from now on.

“I miss the feeling of familiarity. I also miss being around my brother and seeing him all the time,” she decided on a brief yet honest answer, getting lost in the beauty of the scenery instead of the warmth in his eyes. She felt oddly vulnerable being honest with him, so she couldn’t bear to look at him, but she hoped that he didn’t mind either.

“I believe I would also miss my brothers. My days would be so much quieter and less livelier without them,” the prince confessed with a soft giggle that sounded one with the chirping of birds and the sound of the passing wind: he was hopeful like spring, elegant like the way the flowers were blooming around them, and he was energetic like the little birds flying around them. He was light and soft, tender and warm, and for this reason, he seemed to resemble the season between the cold, icy winter and the scorching summer.

She wasn’t surprised to hear his confession after witnessing how he had been looking at his little brothers, but she didn’t feel like she was in the place to comment anything on it, so she merely hummed, and kept on walking without saying a word.

“I hope you know your brother can visit us anytime. He is always welcomed here, even to stay here for the night,” prince Changmin spoke up yet again, and his tone was gentle just like the intention behind his words.

She snapped her head back at him after his suggestion, finding herself face-to-face with a soft yet coy smile, shimmering eyes and heart-shaped face radiating beaming joy. He seemed so full of life, so full of love that she started doubting that she would ever deserve to marry someone like him. Not that any of them had a chance to disagree, but still... She was far too cold for him. If he was the light, she was the dark. If he was the calming earth, she was the searing fire. They were completely different.

“Thank you, prince Changmin,” she said honestly, bowing a bit to be able to show her respect. The way he made sure that she knew that his brother could come visit her, so that she wouldn’t miss him warmed her heart, more than she would have liked to admit it. She didn’t want to trust him so early on - she had a hard time trusting anyone thanks to his father’s strict way of bringing them up and telling them not to trust anyone apart from their own family -, but the flicker of trust was present, and maybe, more and bigger sparkles could follow that.

That night, princess Gowon couldn’t sleep, but for a different reason than the night before. Now she was pondering over the prince’s gentle gestures, the way his whole face lit up whenever he was smiling, the way his beaming laughter filled up an icy chamber in her heart with warmth, and the way his soft giggle could send pleasant shivers down her spine. He was such an odd prince in her eyes, but for all the right reasons. He didn’t seem manipulative or someone who would only care about power instead of the safety of the kingdom’s people, and he seemed genuine but still very much polite. She would swear she had never met anyone like him before. It both scared and reassured her at the same time. It scared her because what if it was all a lie? A mere facade? And then, she would have no choice but to inevitably fall, tasting the bitter aftermath of her trust falling apart right in front of her eyes.

She kept tossing and turning in bed, the dreamland not strong enough to reach for her and drag her into the webs of soundless sleep. Her heart was pounding fast and loud, and her thoughts were racing so quickly that she felt breathless even without running at all.

However, her sleepless self was the only reason she was able to catch sight of her window being opened from the outside. It would have been an otherwise incredibly quiet and slow process, but she caught onto the sound immediately. The moment she snapped her head in the direction of the wooden-framed window, she pushed herself up in the bed and put her feet down on the ground. All questioning words died on the tip of her tongue when the moonlight shone onto the object in the intruder’s hand: a knife.

She didn’t think twice, she rushed to the door and flung it open with all her might. The intruder - his face covered by the large hood over his head - noticed her movements even despite the darkness in the room, and swiftly ran after her. She knew she wasn’t a trained runner, so she had to use something else to be able to escape him or to mitigate the hurt.

“Help me! Help me, please!” She screamed frantically as soon as she started running, the lit-up corridor making her feel a bit more at ease since she could at least see something around herself.

However, due to the fact that the guards were supposed to be waiting outside the palace and others might have been sleeping tightly, she exclaimed a few more times to regain someone’s attention.

The intruder caught up to her quite fast, and grabbed the hem of her night gown from behind, pushing her to the ground. She felt her whole body shaking from both the shock and the painful collision, but she tried her best to push herself off the ground. As she did so, she could feel the intruder grabbing her by the shoulder, but in the next moment, the grip loosened, and then his hand was pushed off of her.

Princess Gowon stood up hastily, looking behind herself with her heart in her throat, catching sight of prince Changmin pinning the man down - now that his hood fell onto his neck, it could be seen that he was a middle-aged man with a few scars already painting his pale skin in purple and burgundy marks. He even dared to smirk at the prince who used his own strength to keep him on the ground, his hands pinning his shoulders down.

“Who are you? Who sent you?” Prince Changmin exclaimed furiously, and the rage in his voice scared her already shaken up heart. She wouldn’t have thought that he was capable of such vigority. “The guards will be here anytime, so you better tell me beforehand before they will get you to tell them, and they won’t go easy on you,” he warned the man firmly, the authoritative edge to his tone not leaving room for any kind of objection.

The man didn’t take his words seriously. Instead, he let out a wicked laughter that shook her to the core. She felt sick to her stomach, feeling nauseous.

“Do you think that I would have accepted this job if I was afraid of death? I only want Baekje the best just like my king. To be able to reign all the kingdoms. That’s my wish,” he spatted nonchalantly, and the mention of her kingdom made her shiver. Was he actually from Bakje? Her kingdom? One of her people? One of those she would have wanted to please by being a part of the marriage deal?

Princess Gowon needed to hold onto the nearest wall to be able to stand still while prince Changmin had already put together some pieces that she hadn’t dared to.

“Are you the king’s man?”

“Wasn’t it obvious? He would take any chance to bring other kingdoms down,” the man admitted, still grinning. She felt like the whole world was crashing down on her in that moment; getting her killed would have meant an excellent reason to go against Goguryeo in a war, and no matter how gruesome it was, the man was right. Her father would take any chance - it seemed even killing off her own daughter to be able to blame it on the other kingdom - to acquire more land to reign.

Through the fast-paced, ragged breathing of hers and her foggy thoughts, she saw as the prince’s grip loosened on the man the moment the weight of the man’s words registered in him, and that was definitely a mistake.

The man could quickly escape him, and pushed the prince off, cutting his side with the knife in his hand, trying to run up to princess Gowon yet again, but as she was running away from him, the guards appeared and pinned him down. He had no other choice but to surrender since they were stronger than him, and there were also a lot of them. He stood no chance.

The adrenaline was rushing in her veins, her blood boiling, and her body feeling shaky, but even despite all, the sight of blood oozing out of the prince’s body struck her, and she rushed to him while exclaiming:

“Someone please notify the medics, too! Prince Changmin is bleeding!”

“It is fine, princess. It is not a deep cut,” the prince tried to reassure her with a weak smile as he got up from his previous posture, and princess Gowon didn’t even realize that she was holding his arm to help him up. Touching him felt almost reassuring; as if she could ground herself in the middle of chaos by knowing that he was still well and alive.

“Still! You need assistance! Now! It can get infected,” she warned him, her voice resonating back from the walls. She didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but she couldn’t let him bleed out when it was her fault that he was cut. That man was clearly after her, and even though he wanted to save her, it was him who had gotten hurt in the end.

Thankfully, the royal medics were there quickly, and while the guards were taking the man away, putting him into a well-secured chamber in one of the buildings that were attached to the palace for such cases, prince Changmin’s wound was professionally taken care of. Princess Gowon kept biting down on her lower lip as she was watching the medics working on disinfecting his cut. He bore the procedure well, only hissing a few times, but it still hurt to see the pain flashing across his face. She would never want to see him in pain, especially not because of her, and worrying about his condition helped her mind to numb all the memories from the previous hour.

When they finished taking care of the prince’s wound, and it was just her and him left in the room, she sat down on the edge of the bed. Tentative as she was, she didn’t dare to sit closer to him, so it was no surprise that it was him who leaned closer to her when he pushed himself up in the bed even though the medics had previously told him not to do so so quickly.

“Do you feel better?” Princess Gowon whispered, her voice full of worry and guilt. The fact that his chestnut-brown orbs were still shimmering so brightly pained her even more because she wanted him to yell at her, to say that she put him in danger, to blame her for his cut, but he didn’t do any of those. Instead, he responded:

“I do, do not worry about me.” He shook his head gently, scanning her face for visible injuries. The way he looked at her so attentively and affectionately as if he would heal any of her scars if he found any… It was like playing with the flames of a candle: ever so healing and soul warming, but the closer you were to the source of warmth, the more searing the pain was.

“How about you? You might still be shaken up, especially after what you have gotten to know…” Prince Changmin trailed off by the end, his eyes looking for hers. As expected, the princess didn’t dare to look into his orbs because she was afraid that if she had done so, there would have been no turning back. She was already on the edge, she couldn’t let herself fall off the cliff without a safety net.

Silence filled the air for a few minutes while she was trying to put together how she was really feeling. The numbness wore off, and now she was left alone with an excruciating pang in her chest, and it was killing her from the inside. The more she thought about what had happened, the more she wanted to lose herself in the cacophony of noises and feelings and memories. Everything would have been so much better if she hadn’t been so aware of what had happened.

“I-” She started after god knows how long, but her voice came out hoarse and weak. However, prince Changmin didn’t look at her any differently. When she caught his stare, he was looking at her just as patiently as before, and that’s what prompted her to continue. “I mean, my father told me to stay put no matter what happens before they left the palace, but I would have never thought that he meant it like this. I have always obeyed him, and to realise that he…”

Got someone to kill me, was what she wanted to say, but she couldn’t get herself to say the words out loud.

Instead, the door of her heart opened, letting out all the swirling feelings in her body in the form of salty tears, her whole body shaking with the sobs that accompanied her heartbreaking cry. She put her hands in front of her face to be able to muffle her sobs and hide herself from the prince. He didn’t care though. It was him who put his arms around her body and whispered into her ears:

“Your father won’t be able to hurt you. I promise you,” he stated confidently, and despite the fact that they had barely known each other, she wanted to believe him. She needed to, or else, she felt like she would be able to fall apart even more.

If her own father who had seen her growing up - obeying every single one of his wishes and commands, taught her manners and everything she needed to know to be able to carry herself around others with equal confidence and elegance - wanted to kill her, so that he could conquer another kingdom, whom could she trust anymore? If love was a trust game, was she going to lose this time as well with trusting prince Changmin? Maybe. Maybe not.

The only thing she knew in that moment was that she couldn’t stop crying, and that she wasn’t strong enough to push the prince away.

One might say that a good night’s sleep could heal all problems and ease a terrible headache, but the next day was more terrifying for princess Gowon than what she had needed to face the day before. She wasn’t afraid because of the actual events, but rather because of her feelings. How could she even know who she was anymore after almost getting killed by her own father? Who was there to look at her as family from now on?

Considering the mess with the whole situation and the fact that there was a war going on between Baekje and Gaya to this day, she was certain that her brother had no idea about her father paying a generous amount of money to an assassin to kill his daughter, so that he could blame it on Goguryeo, saying that they had violated the terms of their contract, thus they had a reason to go against the kingdom. As if it hadn’t been obvious from the man’s words the night before, he had confessed fully since then, but it didn’t help the royal family of Goguryeo either.

“Obviously, we must not let princess Gowon go back to Baekje in case she gets attacked yet again, but we cannot turn a blind eye either because the king has gone against what we have discussed. We will prohibit him from entering the kingdom in any way, we will double our guards along the borders and double-check the letters sent in,” the king of Goguryeo announced the next day, everyone sitting around the table where that said contract had also been sealed.

Princess Gowon’s head hung low, shame rushing through her body in waves. She couldn’t bear to look anyone in the eye, especially not prince Changmin. She had let him see a side of her that no one should have seen. She knew she shouldn’t have cared anymore about her father, but she couldn’t help but think that her father might have been so disappointed in her if he had gotten to know that she had shown a weak side of her to someone who might turn into an enemy one day.

However, the real enemy was her father this time, and the ones around her were those who had saved her. Even though she found it difficult to wrap her head around this mayhem while keeping herself together, that was the truth. She couldn’t continue considering his father’s teaching and words after he had paid someone to end her life.

“You do not have to let me stay here if you do not feel safe with me here. I would understand,” princess Gowon spoke up as she raised her head, looking into the eyes of the royal family members. Her words were almost like pleading. Please, don’t make this more unbearable for me. I can’t accept your kindness.

She was underwater, only feeling the surface faintly, being drowned in her own shame, guilt and pain. She had never experienced anything like this before; the way it spread across her whole body in waves, numbing her senses, making her breathless without moving an inch in the first place. If words could bleed, she would be bleeding out right now.

It was the queen who broke the silence this time after exchanging a glance with her husband.

“Princess Gowon, we can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to learn that your father has tried to get you killed. It is not only out of politeness that we let you stay here. You have done nothing wrong. You do not have to bear the consequences of his actions,” she explained to her as kindly as possible, the edges of her lips raised into a gentle smile.

That might have been a mistake since princess Gowon felt even worse than before. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve to be treated so affectionately. If the only purpose of her life was getting killed at such a young age, why would she be treated differently than a living corpse?

Or maybe it was just his father’s way of making her feel after all these years she had devoted to being the best, strongest, most obedient, most diplomatic princess, the perfect daughter, the perfect strategist, the perfect girl who could fake a smile even in the worst case scenarios. What was she without that girl?

“But I feel like I am invading your space. I am forcing myself onto a family that is not mine,” she objected wearily, her voice wavering by the end. She balled her fists under the table, trying to hide how weak she felt. She was so good at mastering how to appear strong even if she was falling apart inside, so how couldn’t she do the same this time?

“Blood does not always mean love,” the king remarked firmly, and there was such a confident edge to his voice that she didn’t dare to question him. She knew that her relationship with her parents wasn’t the best, but she had worked so hard and sacrificed so much to be able to earn their love and respect. For what? For pain and chaos, nothing else.

“We will take care of you here,” the queen added gently, and the way the twins nodded to her words as if they had been waiting for this moment to show their support warmed her heart. How could they treat her well so unconditionally? They didn’t even know her, only for three days.

“You should write to your brother. To explain the situation to him, and to let him know that you are in safe hands now,” prince Changmin spoke up as well, turning to her with his whole body, his chestnut-brown eyes shining worriedly. She had never intended to make him worry about her, but that cautious glint hadn’t left his orbs since the night before. Empathetic as he was, he even let her sleep in his own room that night, telling her to try to rest a bit because he would guard her dreams. Needless to say, his presence might have helped her jittery heart, but she was still tossing and turning in bed most of the time.

“I will.” She nodded for she had known that it was her brother only whom she would want to let know about how she was feeling. Her mother was similar to her father in the sense that to her, how she had appeared in front of others had always been way more important than how she had been feeling, so as long as she had done the right thing and had said the right words, she had been accepted. It had always been her brother who had paid attention to her feelings, listened to her worries through seasons and hours on end, joked around with her, made special memories with her. He was the only one left back in Baekje who would have truly cared what had happened.

They talked a bit more about the issue, but they sat down to eat breakfast afterwards which wasn’t any less heavy, but she tried her best to force some food down because she knew that she wouldn’t do anything good by starving herself. She could also feel prince Changmin’s watching eyes on her, and she didn’t want him to unnecessarily worry about her anymore.

Thankfully, despite the tension in the air, the twins weren’t acting out of character, and tried to light up the mood to which she was truly grateful for. Because it was one thing that they were as lively as usual, and the familiarity of their characteristics and the almost routine-like storytelling time was able to put her mind a bit at ease, but it was another one that she was glad that they didn’t look at her any differently after the incident.

“Would you like to take a walk around the pond?” Prince Changmin inquired gently after breakfast, his words barely a whisper. It could be seen that he was trying his best not to scare her at all.

Heavy as her heart was, she knew all too well that locking herself up in her room - where she had almost been killed out of all places - and thinking about the what ifs, letting herself being swept by the stormy flashbacks from the night before and engulfed by the memories of her wasted youth to try to become the perfect princess for her parents would do her no good. She would be slowly going insane, and she wouldn’t want to.

“I would not mind,” she responded rather tentatively, but it was only because she didn’t know what they would be talking about, and she was afraid. Afraid of opening up, of seeming vulnerable, of appearing differently than the one he had imagined her to be before. She was afraid of being herself - the version of herself that had always been criticised and shamed. The girl with flaws, the girl who made mistakes, the girl who spoke up.

Prince Changmin only nodded though, and so they walked side by side out of the palace, right into the hazy spring scenery, ever so mesmerizing and bright. Even though it was still as beautiful as for the first time, the sight of the colourful trees, the sweet scent lingering in the air and the joyful sound of the birds chirping only made her feel suffocated. This wasn’t her, she didn’t belong there, she didn’t feel like she fitted in with her surroundings at all.

Her heart almost skipped a beat when the prince broke the silence that fell upon the two of them, but instead of pressuring the topic of her father, he rather inquired about her memories with her beloved brother. Then, that kind of turned into talking about all the dumb and ridiculous things their brothers had done in the past, laughter bubbling up inside of them and filling up their lungs with joyous air after reminiscing about their memories. Princess Gowon had to realize that she enjoyed listening to the sound of his laughter, even more so this exact time - because she knew that having the privilege to listen to it meant that he was still there, that he was still willing to be there for her, and his presence grounded her.

He was like a harbour that welcomed ships continuously - through horrible storms and heavy rain and icy snow -, always staying there, always being an indicator of something constant, of something that wouldn’t be swept off by the passing time, the manmade concept that was still ever so relevant and ever so real when one looked around themselves and saw the scenery changing. He was the light that never faded, the sun that always covered the storm-hit meadows with warmth and the hope for a better tomorrow.

“What about your favourite type of flower?” Prince Changmin inquired next, and seeing her perplexed expression, he giggled a bit before adding an explanation. “Someone’s favourite type of flower says a lot about them.”

She might not have understood why her favourite type of flower would have been that crucial of an information to him, but she deemed it as a safe topic, and with her, a safe topic meant that she was willing to speak and open up - without filters, without hiding behind all those masks and facades she had mastered how to keep on.

“As common as it may seem, I like cherry trees the most,” she admitted genuinely, and she felt so good for she hadn’t actually told him a lie. The smile she got in return was worth every truth - even if she didn’t dare to believe that there was anyone as genuine as him.

“Cherry trees are strong, resilient and delicate. I am not surprised that you like something that resembles you,” he confessed with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. The princess’ heart beated a bit louder, a bit more out of tune, a bit more confused. How could he say such things with such ease and honesty? It truly rendered her speechless. If she was enigmatic and unreachable, he was charming and bright, the gravity that pulled her in.

She didn’t even know what to say, but prince Changmin, the kind boy he was, made her forget about the reason they were walking around the pond in the first place by asking questions about her life that no one had been interested in before him. It felt oddly reassuring to talk about sweet little nothings with him because if he accepted her with all those perks and flaws, then he might be able to accept her as a whole, and to her, that would mean the world.

Princess Gowon indeed wrote to her brother, telling him about what had happened, and telling him that the royal family of Goguryeo was nothing but supportive of her ever since, protecting her from the slightest of calamities, and having sent more guards around the palace and outside of her chamber, too, so he wouldn’t need to worry about her safety. She ended the letter by wishing him all the best and asking him to take care of himself and to keep her in his memories.

She sent the letter with a royal messenger as soon as she could, but the more she waited, the more worried she became. When days passed by, and she hadn’t yet heard back from prince Juyeon, she became suspicious, and it wasn't long until she learned that the tension between Gaya and Baekje had peaked yet again, and more soldiers from both kingdoms were sent to the battlefield - prince Juyeon possibly being one of them. An excellent fighter and a quick runner, her brother had fought for their kingdom multiple times before, but she would have not expected him to go onto the battlefield yet again.

Needless to say, she worried enough about the current situation even without her brother put in more danger than usual, but it was so like his father to send the boy away to fight while he was just sitting on the throne, coming up with whatever master plan he wanted to execute regarding his kingdom. She had been so naive and so stupid for ever believing that he might have some kind of plan that wouldn’t involve as much blood as it was necessary. How couldn’t she have seen the signs? Maybe she had been brainwashed from the very start. Or maybe her determination to become the perfect daughter and the perfect princess had blinded her own common sense.

She was particularly grateful for the support the royal family of Goguryeo showed her in these trying times. The twins prided themselves in providing her with hilarious stories, making her crack a smile here and there, the walls around her crumbling down a bit more day by day. The king always navigated her through the conversations around the table, so that she would feel comfortable. The queen made sure to keep her company whenever she found her alone in a chamber or in the garden of the palace - letting her know about the way their family kept strong throughout the years, telling her how the kids (the three princes, but she referred to them as her kids still even though all of them had outgrown her) had behaved when they had been younger, and how politics and being a mother could work well together.

Even despite all of their efforts, it was prince Changmin who could make herself feel the most at home. Maybe it was because he had seen her at her lowest, most vulnerable point, so when she appeared stronger, she could trust him that he would accept her just as well. There was just something about him that made her feel safe; not only his presence, but the way his chestnut-brown eyes shone bright like the stars on the night sky, glowing but never losing their spark. Or maybe it was the way his giggle was so light and wholehearted - like the air she breathed in, the wind that passed by her whenever she was walking around the pond. Or maybe it was in that gentle tone of his - the syllables playing along his mellow lips like a lullaby, one she would be able to listen to until the day she would die, putting her to a final yet serene sleep. Or maybe it was in those fleeting moments, the feather-like touches of his, the protective actions towards her, or the way he guarded her heart as if it had been something he could do so all by himself - but she let him nevertheless. There was no use going against the wishes of her heart when it was finally beating again.

It came to her as no surprise that they would be talking about deeper, more meaningful topics when he was the one who made sure to check the letters sent inside the palace in case she had gotten the one from her brother, he was the one who constantly looked out for her well-being, and he could already see through her - noticing whenever she had worries entangling her mind, grasping her heart and squeezing all light out of it that hope could invite inside, leaving her in nothing but darkness.

“Have you ever regretted being born as a prince?” Princess Gowon asked one day as they were walking around the pond. A habit of hers ever since coming here. A tradition of theirs, if she might say so. There was something about the way they could walk around in nature, away from the stuffiness of the inside of the building, and with prince Changmin by her side, it felt even more healing.

The prince, a mere boy, tilted his head in contemplation, puckering his lips a bit as he was thinking through his answer. She knew that it wasn’t an easy question - not only on the heart but on the mind as well. The feeling of being royal wasn’t something black and white, it was a mixture of both with all its shades.

“I do not usually regret being born as a prince, but there was a time when I wish I would have been just a mere boy without any titles. My mother was very sick, and I wished to stay by her side all day long, assisting her with whatever she needed, but I had to let the servants do this instead of me. I was helpless. I could not do anything, and that was really, really hard on me,” prince Changmin recalled bitterly, his eyes telling tales of other times.

She could feel his resentment even just by the look on his face because his usually cheerful, almost fairy-like features were dressed in more somber, solemn ones, making him appear as a more serious, manlier side of himself. His orbs were shining in the vast universe instead of the usual sea of pureness, and the hardened features of his indicated that he knew what it was like tasting the bitterness of life.

“I am not saying I can understand that because I have never been close to my mother, but if there was something happening to my brother, I would like to be by his side just like you with your mother,” princess Gowon remarked quietly, and at the mention of her brother, she was suddenly reminded of the present, and with that, the cruel fate of their separation.

“Everything will be fine. He will come back even stronger, and write back to you,” the prince reassured her, sensing her sudden tenseness. She had never liked to appear weak or emotional because emotions were a sign of hesitation, a chance for failure, a flaw that she would not be able to showcase, but the prince was exceptionally excellent at reading people and their body language. Not even the slightest changes could slip his attention.

“I hope so, too.” She nodded solemnly, watching the comets in his eyes colliding, inviting her heart for a journey that she might regret. Because everything that she could not prepare for - just like the wishes of her heart - was terrifying in her eyes. A girl who had always lived by following rules, obeying commands and calculating with all different kinds of scenarios suddenly found herself without any direction, without any plan to move forward with and any guidance on how to mitigate the way her heart was acting around the prince.

They just looked at each other for a few moments, endlessly dragging on as if time rested a bit around them, letting them enjoy the serenity and complexity of the simplest form of human interaction: looking at each other, into each other’s eyes that were the doors to their souls, windows to the depths, the secrets, the hurting, the memories - all the good and bad, all what made them the versions of who they were on that day.

“You can talk to me less formally if you want to, princess Gowon,” he mentioned with a dimpled smile afterwards, reminding her of the fact that she still very much addressed him in the most polite way possible - in the way she also addressed his parents. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear to hide her slight embarrassment.

“I am just too used to being overly polite with everyone.”

“I know, but I would gladly let you be more informal with me. Whatever would make you feel more comfortable,” he offered in the most attentive way possible, and when his lips curled upwards, hers automatically followed, the reaction of her body ever so unfamiliar yet almost natural by this time, by his side.

She truly, genuinely, deeply wanted to believe that the moon and the sun and all the stars would listen to her hopes and her brother would be able to return from the battlefield safely, and that she would be able to hear from him soon, and maybe she also wished for something else - for her heart had never given up on love, maybe it merely sought it more after everything that had happened. And maybe it wasn’t that bad to listen to her heart.

It turned out that it wasn’t only her brother who had been out on the battlefield, but in a careless moment of her father’s, he had been attacked as he had been on his way to visit someone, and he had been killed - even without going to war, but understanding the tension between the two nations, it wasn’t that surprising.

However, with the death of the king, there was a need for a new one, and by the time she was notified, prince Juyeon had already become the one to take the throne as the rightful heir - the first child and the only one in the bloodline who could be the king. She thought that her letter would be the least of the new king’s worries, but he eventually wrote back to her, and his rage was evident in his writing and in the way his handwriting got less composed by the end. He told her that she could come back now if she wanted to, but he would understand if she didn’t want to after everything that had happened.

At this point, she could not feel sympathy towards her father. Maybe it was an ugly twist of fate that he had ended up being dead after he had tried to kill his own daughter, but she couldn’t feel sorry for him. Not in a bit. If he had been that careless to not have enough guards around him and to have been killed out in broad daylight when he had had people around him who should have protected him while she had been attacked at night, in the safety of her new chamber, by someone who killed people for a living, he hadn’t deserved to die a less cruel way.

She was a princess nevertheless, and princesses have duties, and one of them was having her fair share of responsibility in such a situation. Thankfully, the royal family of Goguryeo supported her along the way, from ensuring that she had a chance to go back to Baekje safely once to have a conversation with her brother face-to-face, discussing what she could do and how the kingdom should move forward after this - from him earning respect from the royal army and the people of Baekje to her going along with the actual wedding to secure the peace between the two kingdoms, for real this time.

She had talked about this with prince Changmin himself, and he had made sure that she knew that she wasn’t pressured into anything, but if she still felt like she wouldn’t mind going along with the wedding, he wouldn’t talk her out of it. He would make sure to treat her well, to let her have her say in matters of his own side of the family, and to fulfill whatever she wished for. She still thought that he was too good for her, but she realized that it was also his own choice to agree to the wedding, and if he did it for himself and his family without anyone pressuring him, she would try to accept his kindness and maybe his love, too.

So after a king had died and a new one had been born from one day to another, having a royal wedding didn’t seem that out of the blue. Average people didn’t know anyway what had happened behind the scenes, so it was almost what they should have expected, and with the heightened tension with Gaya, having a real ally was a blessing. Every kingdom was represented in its own way at the wedding, and coming to think of how she had ended up at the ceremony was heart-breaking and heart-warming at the same time.

The war was still very serious, and there was definitely no room for celebrating in such a time and era, but she was nevertheless a firm believer that there was hope for change with a new king on the throne, with a tightened relationship with Goguryeo now, and she was also a firm believer that with a change in the lives of the kingdoms, maybe her heart would also open up, and like a bird that escapes its cage after it had been captured and trapped and almost crushed under the weight of pressure, she would be able to fly high again. Slowly at first, only just trying out her wings, but more and more bravely as time goes by, and maybe, with someone else by her side.

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